Sometimes we get so lucky in life when our greatest honor and gift comes true. The miracle of human creation is happening live, in my womb, and it’s far more surreal than I expected. I suspect nature has her hand in a lot of these feelings, for surely it’d have to be a subtle slow change from independent human to a shared physical vessel? It will always blow my mind that we mammals can do this, that there is another breathing one with a heart that beats all on it’s own as I walk and talk and live my days.
It’s early days yet at 14 weeks, but it’s passing fast and instead of obsessively focusing on this bebe inside, I am trying to get anything and everything crossed off my list I can. Life doesn’t stop after motherhood, but time sure is divided. I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf that enjoyed time alone creating in rooms of varying sizes and locations. That era is ending and I am ever so happy and ready, but I’m aware of this present solitude and it’s preciousness. It’s fleeting privacy and quiet. I am a sleeper by nature and I am soaking up every last minute of it’s uninterrupted beauty.
Things are smooth and it’s been an easy baby making journey so far. I am blessed again and again and for this I thank. I would love some more mellow taste buds and a booming appetite though. The energy to get things done and the loss of worry. I used to think it was too greedy and somehow selfish to ask for things in life, but I know now it’s the only way to get it. We’re only limited by what we believe we deserve, a constant struggle to accept we may all just deserve more than we let ourselves have.
Keep on keeping on
it always gets better
it usually IS better than you think it is already
you always know more than you think you do
you don’t actually know anything
nothing really matters
things have to be broken down to be built up higher and stronger
not everything needs to be destroyed
some things can be loved back to a new glory
knowing which is when is the key to it all